


The Ghost of You

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Civil War (Marvel), F/M, I miss Tony, I was hurt so I wrote this, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad Ending, Sokovia Accords, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve misses Tony, Steve's Letter to Tony Post-Civil War (Movie), Stony - Freeform, Time Travel, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, i miss them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:54:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23159638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Those days, those hours, they were lasting more than he could take. Those hours before Tony's funeral were the ones that made Steve decide to go back in time. He decided it was better to live in the past than having a future without Tony.or were Steve Rogers can't let go of his memories with Tony Stark while he gets ready to attend the funeral.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 4





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  
> As usual: ENGLISH IS *NOT* MY FIRST LANGUAGE, please, tell me if there's anything wrong because it's not beta'd.  
> Wrote this after listening the song Ghost Of You by 5sos and cried my eyes out bc of Tony and the death of my godfather. That really, REALLY was a dark day.  
> Anyway, this is posted on wattpad in portuguese at my account (barnesthewayne), if you want, the fic there is completed.  
> Hope you guys like it!

Here I am waking up, still can't sleep on your side.

I haven’t slept. Neither last night neither the three days before. Three days. This was the time Earth had lost its best defender for _the second time_.

I close my eyes and sigh, lungs creaking with the dust of the battle and the side effect of the constant crying; sadness heavy on my chest, could hardly breath. Could hardly walk. _Could hardly live_ these last days.

“Time to go, Cap.” Sam says, knocking on my door.

I breath deep one more time and sit up. The wall seemed to look at me, murmuring all the things I did not wish to be remembered. Yes, my walls could talk, and they talked too much.

_“Hey, Cap. Everything alright here?” Tony shows up at my room’s door, hands inside his pockets and red lensed glasses. My heart skips a beat as usual._

_“Tony. Everything’s fine. The complex’s different from the Tower. And from Washington.” He looks at me with a mocking smile._

_“That’s the idea. Makes this place **our** home, Rogers.” I give him a half smile._

_“Thanks.”_

_“At your orders, Captain.” He does a saluting and I roll my eyes, a smile fighting my resignation to make Tony stop with this._

_“Already told you to stop with it, Stark.”_

_“Already told you I won’t, it’s too much fun.” Shrunk his shoulders._

_I approached him and laid my hand over his shoulder. Wanted to touch his face, feel the texture of his beard and memorize the unevenness of his oldening skin, wanted to feel everything the gloves didn’t allow me every time I touched him at the battlefield._

_“Thank you. Really.” Tony shows me a weak smile._

_“You can count on me, Steve. You can trust me.” His voice is low and his eyes shinned, their whisky like colour making me desire the drink just for its colour._

_A loud bang and the initial sound of a fight deflected our attention. Tony laughed and exited, saying it was my role as a mother to see what was happening and sooth things off. I laughed too, shaking my head and making my way down to where things were happening._

I threw the pillow over the wall and sank my face on my hands. The tears I thought were long gone coming back and blurring my sight, my mind and my heart.


	2. Two

So I'm just a dead man crawling tonight, 'cause I need it.

I don’t know how much time I spent crying. All I know is that Sam entered after what seemed an eternity, hugging me and asking me to breath. I thanked his time at the army psychologically support server in moments like those.

“Try to calm yourself. Things are bad for all of us, Steve.” I shake my head with his words.

It was hard for everyone. Yes, it was. But I didn’t want to knowledge the others’ pain, I wanted to know was about my own pain; the way my chest felt like being punctured by needles or how I couldn’t breath without feeling the same way I felt when I saw how we had won the war.

_“Will you ever learn to do as you’re told to?” I scream as soon as we enter the complex._

_Tony leaves his helmet with a loud bang over the balcony, turning to look at me with hate. No, something lighter, anger maybe._

_“What you tell me to do is always stupid. My way is better!”_

_“You nearly got yourself killed!”_

_“But I didn’t! Now I wish I had, spared me of another night listening to you shit over me with your idiot moral!”_

_“Damn, Tony, I worry with you!”_

_“Well, you shouldn’t, you said yourself I was an impossible case, right?” I swallowed hard._

_“That was a long time ago.” My tone’s low._

_“Words doesn’t get old, Cap.” His voice was husky._

_Husky just like when he was about to cry._

_I breath deeply and approach with care. The same care I used at rescue missions._

_I put my hand over his arm, he doesn’t look at me. I lower myself until our eyes level._

_“I can never erase these words, I know, but I ask you to forgive me.” The whiskey like colour flashes me a look “I’m sorry.”_

_“I hope you ask for forgiveness in a much more elaborate way than this next time.” I smile and he does too._

_“You’re picky.”_

_“I’m Tony Stark.”_

_And there, too close and too far at the same time, I almost sealed our lips for the first time. Except Tony moved away before I could act recklessly._

A louder sob escapes me. Sam tries to silence me pulling me closer to his chest. I curl against him just like a child, crying like one too.

“Hey, punk, we’re here.” Bucky’s voice makes the knot at my throat grow.

I was drowning while they tried to help me.

I wasn’t useful for them from now on, I knew it.


	3. Chapter 3

The stupid truth is I'm so bad for you.

Bucky brought me a glass of water. He also was all dressed up and ready. Must be late, I need to get ready.

I drank the water in slow gulps. This prevented me from talking anything, stop me from answering the inquiring gazes my two best friends were giving me.

Crying had eased out, although I was everything but calmer. My legs trembled just like my hands and breath.

“You need to tell us the why of all this sadness. It can’t be just Tony’s death.” Sam squeezes my knees.

“He won’t talk.” Bucky says as I finish my water.

“I don’t wanna talk about anything now.”

_His eyes stared at me with shock. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it, **I meant to do it for a long time.**_

_“Tony, I…”_

_“This was…”_

_We said at the same time. We shut up at the same time._

_Whisky, whisky, whisky. Taste of coffee, coffee, coffee. Beard, beard, beard. **Tony, Tony, Tony.**_

_“I’m here, Steve.” Whispers and I notice I said it out loud._

_His face was still in my hands. I caress his well-done beard, his whitening hairs and bush, getting more evident this close. I crush our lips one more time, even without knowing if he was okay with it._

_Stark pulls me closer. I hug his waist. Swallow his sounds. Pour over him my love._

_The sounds of the objects over his table swaying when I pushed him against it brought me back to the present. I split the kiss and stare at him. Wanted to draw him like that, given, without worries. **With his lips swollen from our kisses.**_

_“Please, don’t tell me you lift me all excited and turned on just to puss out right now, Capsicle.” I laugh and bring our foreheads together._

_“Heard permission was still something stylish nowadays. Want to know if I have your permission to go to the next level with you… even without a proper date and courtship before.” I joke while rolls his eyes._

_“Yes. 100%. Now. Right away. I want this mouth over mine right now, because, Rogers, you’re actually talented for someone who hasn’t kissed over seven-” I swallow his words in another kiss._

_And another. And in a love-bite. And in bites. And in a wild sex over his workshop table. And in another round, sweeter this time, on his bed. And in a romantic breakfast._

_And in saying no to the accord months after._

“But you’ll have to do it in some moment.”

I got off the bed after this. Went to the bathroom.

Trembled doing my beard. Cried a little more inside the shower.


End file.
